Handling Conflict as an Owner and Trainer
Sooner or later confrontation will occur in human pup play, particularly if you have a large pack of human pups. As a Trainer you will have hopefully provided a safe comfortable environment where your pups can communicate with you and each other openly. In that environment everyone is free to express themselves, each others needs and desires are respected and taken into account, and the focus is on working together harmoniously. If you haven't sought this kind of environment, then you are probably maintaining a style that is more appropriate to a BDSM Master than a Pup Trainer. There is nothing inherently wrong with that, but this article assumes you are a Pup Trainer and have created a safe pup learning space. Perhaps the following process to handle pup conflict can help you to create and maintain that healthy pup environment, as you focus on developing clearer and more emotionally open relating to your pups.
Confrontations make most pups a little nervous. A pup can fear the exchange will go badly, ending terribly for them or just bad shit happening. Of the issue involved makes a pup angry or frustrated and they naturally become agitated. The confrontation starts emotions that help to activate a stress response in the pup, which in turn pulls a pup towards a very submissive or dominant stance. There is the unfortunate possibility of both, where a pup enters a passive aggressive mode.
Whatever way it goes. if a pup throws himself into a confronted emotional response he won't think clearly in the here and now. The pup is very unlikely to actually remain in pup headspace, although they may foolishly think they are. Human thinking will override the pup headspace when a pup is confronted with stress, unless the human pup has some mental illness - and if that is the case, STOP training that pup right now. Encourage ill pups to seek professional counselling, and remove them from the pack until they are receiving help. Illness or not, if you, the Trainer, take active steps to reduce the level of tension present as soon as possible, everyone can relax and go back to enjoying human pup play.
A Trainer has to relax himself as often as possible during pup confrontations, and there is a simple way to do it. Breathe.
When the conflict begins, place your hand over your stomach so that you can monitor your breathing during the confrontation. Do not put all your concentration into the conflict. Make sure you also focus on slowing the pace of your breathing and increasing the volume of air you take in with each breath. Your pups probably won't notice what you are doing, and even if they do, you haven't lost anything. All you are doing is breathing and relaxing, becoming calmer and attaining control of your body. During confrontations it's easy to become very tense. Having relaxed your body a little, you can now take control of the situation before you, rather than be locked into a stress response yourself.
Angry or upset pups have usually adopted an aggressive or passive posture by now. As their Trainer, you set the tone of the room by your body language. Sit yourself back, not in the middle of the conflict. Let go of any facial tension you may have going on, unclenching your teeth and un-furrowing your eyebrows. Angle your body gently and slowly towards the confronting pups, keeping a moderate amount of eye contact with the pups. By controlling yourself and your body language you send a far more powerful message of discipline to your pups than yelling or stomping could ever do. Pups rely on body language and your tone of voice to know a lot about you and your intentions. So use an even, clear, and friendly tone when speaking. It will help begin to defuse the anger in the confrontation. It is foolish to assume that conflict can be capped or subdued. Keep that for wrestling submission BDSM. In human pup play you are dealing with men behaving like animals, and they are engaged mimicking or adapting non human behaviours, Their human physiology and brains never leave, so never make the mistake of handling their conflicts as if they are canines. It will not help anyone.
Instruct confronting pups to assume a kneel position and to listen to you. Talk to your angry or upset pups calmly and rationally and you should get good results. Each Owner and Trainer has their own resolution pathway. The important thing is to maintain a calm control and set a tone and standard.